It is absolutely imperative that you have at least 30
minutes each day to just “let go”. If
you have to schedule it in, do so. You
will lose your freakin’ mind if every minute of every day is dedicated to
focusing, structure, chores and “doing unto others”. You NEED a little time each day to “waste”,
and you need to stop feeling guilty about it.
I know that if I don’t have a little time each day to just
“space out”, my mood goes south. Of
course, I’m in charge of that, but it’s much easier to manage my mood if I can
have a little “me” time. I had to learn
to stack the deck in my favor. We all
need to recharge. It’s almost as if we
reach a stimulation limit for the day, and need to back off and let things
settle down in our brains. Imagine a
sponge mopping up liquid. The sponge
keeps collecting liquid until it reaches its saturation point, and then it
starts to leak all over the counter.
Your brain is like that sponge.
You’ve eventually got to stop wiping up the liquid and wring it
out. That’s your “space out” time.
For instance, I have trouble dealing with groups of people
for any length of time. There are eight
other people in my office, and the constant talking, knocking on the door, the
ringing phones…it’s enough to drive me bonkers.
At some point during the day, I just need to sit quietly by myself (or
by myself with my wife) with minimum outside stimulation. I watch something silly on TV (I’m a Real
Housewives junkie), read, or play dominoes on my phone. In extreme cases, I’ll take a nap. This might be difficult if you have a
houseful of people, but you need to try (be creative!). Also, you need to stand up for yourself. If you need to say “I’m feeling very stressed
out and I need 15 minutes ALONE”, then do it.
Much better than blowing your top and saying something really awful to
someone you love because you’re too stressed.
If you have a family, you’ll have to communicate this
particular need (and stress that it’s a NEED), or schedule it around your
family obligations. If you have kids,
your “space out” time might be the 30 minutes after they go to bed. Go take a hot bath and give yourself a pedicure. Go sit on the front porch with a beer. If you’re married/partnered without kids,
your spouse may not understand why you sit and play solitaire for a half hour
every night. S/he may think you’re
wasting time or being lazy…well, you are, but you need to explain WHY, and that
it’s actually a GOOD thing for you to do!
Your partner may not understand, but s/he will appreciate you making an
effort to explain.
Kids with ADHD DEFINITELY need this. Don’t let it go overboard, obviously (4
straight hours of playing Madden 2012 is probably not a good plan), but don’t
give them a guilt trip if they need to stare at the ceiling with their iPod for
30 minutes. This is how we cope with
everyday life. It’s OK if you don’t understand…you
were wired with different coping mechanisms that simply don’t work for us. Talk to your child. Make sure this “space out” time is really
that and isn’t an attempt at procrastination or avoidance. Make sure the outlets your child uses are
healthy and calming (violent video games should be reserved for “blow-out” time,
which we’ll discuss later). And make
sure your child knows that you’re supporting him/her. We’re often made to feel guilty for our
coping mechanisms…let them know it’s OK.
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