An Honest Self-Assessment

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Warning:  this one is going to hurt.

Someone very close to me said not long ago (and I’m paraphrasing):  “ADD explains some things, but it can’t explain everything.  You can’t use your diagnosis as a crutch…it’s an explanation, not an excuse”.  That pissed me off.  I won’t lie.  I didn’t THINK I was using my diagnosis as a crutch or an excuse, but in the big picture, I was, indirectly.  I had my diagnosis, but I wasn’t DOING anything about it.  I wasn’t blaming every little thing on ADHD, but I wasn’t taking steps to improve my life skills and communication skills, either.  Just explaining the problem didn’t SOLVE any problems.  So, I had to sit down and take an inventory of myself.  And if you have any plans to overcome the tougher, more annoying aspects of your ADHD wiring, you should do the same.

It took me about three self-assessments to get over my selfish pride and accept my flaws (and my positive traits).  So, don’t assume this is a magic bullet.  But it’s a great start.

Sit down with a few sheets of paper and a pen, and have a trusted friend or family member do the assessment with you (preferably someone who isn’t afraid to be honest or hurt your feelings).  On one sheet write “Positive Traits” and on another write “Areas for Improvement”.  I’d start with the “Areas for Improvement” tally, so you can end the exercise on a positive note.  Sit down and think about everything you have trouble with…and I mean EVERYTHING.  Use a diagnostic tool as a guide here.  Are you habitually late?  Do you lose or misplace things regularly?  Do you interject inappropriately in social situations?  Do you procrastinate?  Are you cluttered and messy?  Do you forget to pay bills or miss deadlines?  Do things just pop out of your mouth without you realizing it?  Do you have trouble following conversations?  Do you have trouble sitting still?  Do you have anger issues?  Are you overly sensitive to criticism?  Does it take forever to do basic chores?  Do you have trouble saying “no”?  BE HONEST.  You’re working on becoming the best YOU that you can be, so don’t sell yourself short!!! 

THIS IS IMPORTANT:  Get input from your trusted friend or family member during the assessment.  It will really hurt to sit there and listen to someone you love tick off all your faults, but you NEED to have an outside opinion.  They’re going to point out things you never even realized were a problem.  DO NOT ARGUE WITH THEM…SHUT UP AND *LISTEN*.  It is GOING TO SUCK to sit there and think about all the things you have problems with, but it will be worth it in the end!!!

Next, you’re going to take a 10 minute break (set a timer!).  Go walk around the block. 

The second phase can be really difficult for those of us with ADHD.  We’re used to being told that we’re lazy, stupid, shiftless, unmotivated, etc.  But you NEED to find a few “Positive Traits” to give yourself a starting point.  ADHD people tend to be creative…are you creative?  Write it down.  Do you have great memory recall concerning things that interest you?  Are you a loyal friend?  Do you have a big heart?  Are you athletic or musically talented?  Do you have a good sense of humor?  Are you intelligent?  Are you a good cook?  Do you have any extracurricular pursuits that you’re really good at?  All these things will be important later on when you start setting goals and pushing forward with your life.  Engage your trusted friend or family member.  They can also point out things you didn’t realize about yourself.  Plus, it feels good to hear compliments from loved ones.

Read through both lists again.  Ask your partner for clarification or examples (YOU’RE STILL NOT ALLOWED TO FIGHT OR ARGUE), and let the truth of the matter sink in.

Next, give your friend or family member a hug (or a bro-hug) and have a good cry if you need it (guys, don’t be macho, let it go).  You just did something REALLY hard.  Take those lists and keep them somewhere you’ll be able to access them.  You’ll need them again for the next phases:  setting goals, finding organizational tools and developing life/coping skills.

But for now, you’re done.  Walk away.  Space out.  Sleep on it.