Make Yourself Invaluable

Today’s post was inspired by a status update I saw on professional bodybuilder Iris Kyle’s Facebook page:

“Most people never feel secure because they are always worried that they will lose their job, lose the money they already have, lose their spouse, lose their health, and so on.  The only true security in life comes from knowing that every single day you are improving yourself in some way, that you are increasing the caliber of who you are and that you are valuable to your company, your friends, and your family.”

When I read this, I had a “whoa” moment.  This is something all of us ADHDers should keep in our hip pocket when our perspective starts to get fuzzy. 

 

People with ADHD have difficulties with some or all of the things Ms. Kyle mentions in the first part of her statement.  Some can’t keep a job, some are terrible with finances, some have serious problems in relationships, some neglect fitness & personal hygiene.  But in all honesty, if you work on transforming your attitude and cultivating positive life skills, those things will take care of themselves.

Easier said than done, of course, but I’ve found that when you focus on the details, the big picture gets lost.  I’ve tried to “change” a hundred times over the last few years, but my focus was all wrong.  I think that if I just fix the individual tasks I’m doing wrong or address the little quirks I have, everything will be hunky dory.  The problem with that approach is that when you fix a certain specific action or behavior without addressing the root of the problem, you don’t know how to apply your new skills to other behaviors, emotions, attitudes or situations.  

Example:  I’m terrible at “losing” my keys.  I can solve this problem by addressing it in terms of the KEYS (attaching a dinner plate-sized keychain and blinking lights), or I can address it in terms of MY BEHAVIOR (learning to put my keys in the same place every time I walk in the door).  Which do you think is more beneficial to you in terms of overall transformation?  Learning to change my key-placing habits, of course!  Why?  Because mindfulness translates to ALL areas of my life…changing keychains does nothing but address the keys.

Once you improve the skills and mindset attached to the behaviors you want to change in order to get a handle on your ADHD, the details will begin to fall in place.  You won’t have to worry about losing your job if you learn to be on time and stay organized.  You won’t have to worry about having bad credit or owing large debts if you learn to make a budget and schedule time to pay bills.  You won’t have to worry about losing your spouse if you’re able to communicate better and manage your obligations.  You don’t have to worry about your health if you learn to embrace healthy habits and manage your time.

Now, many of us get a little defiant when we’re confronted with the idea of “getting better”.  Nobody likes to admit that they have room for improvement, but the truth is, we ALL have things we can improve…ADHD or not.  In this particular context, we all want to believe that we should be valuable to our employer, our family and our friends just the way we are.  And that’s certainly true, to a certain extent.  But why settle for “good enough”?  Most of us ADHDers have been “just getting by” our whole lives.  Many of us have big dreams and goals, so why not shoot for the stars?  The most successful people out there in their respective job or pursuit are so successful because they know they can take a good thing and make it even better.  

Now that doesn’t mean you have to have big lofty dreams in order to be valuable.  It just means that you should recognize the opportunity for improvement that will lead to happiness in your life.  If it means learning to control your temper so you have a better relationship with your friends, so be it.  If it means better time management skills so you’re less stressed out during the day, have at it.  The important thing is to look at the big picture and try to be the best YOU that you can be...you deserve it!  Think of the things that you need to work on and address the sources of the problems and the details will start to fall into place...make yourself invaluable!