It is Good to Shut Up Sometimes

I find it very difficult to sit down and listen to other people’s conversations without chiming in.  I have a very difficult time taking criticism.  I feel like I’m a good listener, but I always manage (without intending to) to turn the conversation back to me.  I talk too much.  I don’t know when to SHUT UP.

There are few things more embarrassing than being in the middle of a passionate monologue about the differences between creatine monohydrate and creatine ethyl ester and being told to shut the hell up. 

Burn.

This is an exercise in mindfulness.  We have to learn when to talk, when to listen, and when to just disengage.  It’s much easier said than done, because when something interests us, we get SOOOO excited!  But, we have to learn when to respond and what response is appropriate.  We have to learn to accept the fact that NOBODY CARES how many blue striped ties you have in comparison to red striped ties in normal conversation.  If you’re hanging out with a professional stylist or helping your stepson buy a work wardrobe for his new job…THEN you can talk about your tie collection.  Otherwise, zip it.

I started with an extreme measure.  I made a goal one morning that I wouldn’t talk (outside of normal office pleasantries) the whole work day.  It was tough.  I work in an office with eight other people, and we’re constantly chattering about everything from weekend plans to politics.  I didn’t cheat and put on headphones either, I forced myself to sit and either listen, or disengage and not let myself be distracted from my work, if that was appropriate.  When someone would tell me a story, I sat and listened and responded with “Oh, that’s really cool!” or “How lucky you were to have that opportunity!”.  Not once did I turn the conversation back to me or put in my $0.02.  I found I was able to concentrate on what people were saying, gauge their responses to each other, and pick up on social cues.  I wasn’t distracted by thinking about what *I* was going to say when my “turn” came.  I was being mindful of the conversation, other people, and myself.

Every day, I try to think of the conversation in terms of the conversation, and not my input.  Some days are tougher than others.  Today, I’ve put in more “me” stories than I should have, but I’m not beating myself up.  I recognize it, and I’ll turn it down a notch from this point on.

I do the same thing at home and in social situations now too.  When I want to say something, I think to myself:  “Is this necessary?  Is it relevant to the conversation?  Am I just talking to hear myself talk?  Will I hurt someone’s feelings?”  Sure, I’ll still throw in random tidbits of trivia or funny stories, but I’ve really cut back on the amount of “chatter”. 

I’ve learned to pick up on social cues.  Instead of letting myself be overtaken by my story, I watch my companions.  If their eyes start drifting or side conversations start, I know it’s time to wrap it up.  I listen to responses and now have a better idea of when to change the subject, and when to just stop talking.

I’ve realized that when you speak, you want to create the optimum environment for your companions.  If you’re constantly chattering, people eventually tune you out and don’t put much stock in what you say.  Kind of like the Boy Who Cried Wolf.  If you focus only on important things, people generally find you to be more tolerable company and they LISTEN when you ACTUALLY have something to say.

Just keep this quote in mind the next time you’re in a social situation: 

“It is good to shut up sometimes.” – Marcel Marceau