The Scrambled Brain - Living with ADHD
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Resolutions
The reason I have reservations about making resolutions is partly due to my own cynicism. But as I move forward in my life as an adult with ADHD, I'm realizing that there are several big mistakes that people in general make when making resolutions. These can be especially crippling to someone with ADHD...if you've been following my blog, you'll see what I"m talking about. I went into great detail about goal-setting earlier, but I'll touch on some important points to keep in mind.
The first stumbling block on Resolution Road is the nature of our goal. The need to set realistic goals cannot be stressed enough. I'm not saying you shouldn't set your standards high or push yourself beyond your perceived limits. I'm suggesting that you figure out what's actually attainable. Setting a goal to get from couch potato to full marathon in a year...probably attainable. It will be tough, but that's not completely unrealistic. Going from couch potato to an Ironman triathlon (that's a 2.4-mile swim, 112-mile bike ride and a marathon back to back, for those of you who aren't familiar with it) in 3 months when you've never worked out a day in your life...not so much. Be honest with yourself. Go back to the goal checklist I wrote a few months back. Make your list of goals. Look at your schedule. Get past the excitement and fuzzy-brained feeling of making a goal and settle back down to earth. It's a great thing to make goals, but it's also disheartening and annoying to set yourself up to fail. So set yourself up for success.
This leads us to our next act of self-sabotage: lack of planning. We often get so caught up in the excitement of setting a goal that we tend to suspend reality. When reality comes back with a vengeance in the first week of January, the disappointment that came as a result of improper planning can be enough to hijack the entire year. Especially for an ADHDer. So it's essential that you plan your resolution. Do research, understand the time commitment necessary for your resolution, look at the financial implications, work with your schedule. It feels so fantastic to say "I'm going to take 3 graduate-level classes this semester"...but if you enrolled on a whim, you might be in for a rude awakening. Save yourself the pain of dropping classes and trying to get refunds and think it through before. Talk to people who have taken those classes or look at old syllabi so you understand the work load, look at your existing commitments, talk it through with your spouse/family. You may need to ease yourself into a major change like cleaning up your diet. Then again, if you're like me, you might need to make the change immediate. Understand what works for you.
The biggest issue that causes people to stumble is our own fear. We make resolutions that look great on paper and sound great in conversation, but when it comes time to dig in, we waffle. Sometimes, even when we've planned things out and made realistic resolutions, we let our own brains sabotage our efforts. Again, that fuzzy, warm feeling that comes with making a resolution clouds our judgment. Instead of letting it bring you down, let that warm, fuzzy feeling work FOR you. Direct that energy and excitement into your planning efforts, and you'll have less anxiety when "go" time comes around. Understand that a major life change is going to be difficult. Going to the gym 5 days a week is going to make you SORE and TIRED if you're not used to it. Paying off $10,000 in debt is going to force you to change your lifestyle. If you make a realistic goal, stick with it. You have to make those lifestyle changes HABITS. Eventually, if you LET them, they WILL become new habits. Make your goals realistic and plan properly, and half the fear will take care of itself. Just realize that the rest is just fear and self-doubt. You have a choice to listen to that voice or not.
Be safe, be smart, be successful! Best of luck in the new year!
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Surviving the Holidays
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Being Thankful
Why? There are several reasons to do this, but as I've muddled through this month, two particular reasons jump out at me.
First off, many of us have difficulty expressing thanks or gratitude to people. We ARE thankful for others' help, support and involvement in our lives, but often, we simply forget to show our thanks. We assume that because we FEEL grateful, that our friends and family will just understand and realize this fact. We tend to struggle with this expectation of osmosis...we just don't understand why the other person didn't hear our thanks...we don't even realize that we didn't actually ARTICULATE it! This is something I struggle with. I am SO grateful to my support system...I just don't show it often enough. It's not a matter of thoughtlessness or bad attitude, but other people don't necessarily see it this way. Someone not used to interacting with an ADHD person may feel used, forgotten, or taken for granted. In order to maintain good relationships with our friends, family and coworkers, we need to get in the habit of showing them that we care. Simply saying "thank you" is often enough, but at times, we need to go a little further. A card, a small gift...or a big gift if the occasion calls for it. If you take a minute each day to consider something for which you're grateful, you'll be more inclined to remember to say "hey thanks" to someone that deserves it. Again, you'll still forget, and you'll still "do it wrong", but this is a good way to get on a better path towards showing appropriate gratitiude.
Another good reason to keep track of things that make you feel gratitude is the maintenance of a positive attitude. Many of us have difficulty staying positive due to a history of emotional abuse, trouble adjusting to our diagnosis, or simply frustration with our past actions. If we can focus, just for a few minutes each day, on something that makes us happy, we can work on cultivating a more positive outlook. Every day, we need to find a small (or big) reason to work out our issues, to try to cultivate the best possible habits, and to give ourselves motivation to achieve our goals. When we get in the habit of thanking people and thinking about the good things in our lives (no matter how small), we'll see that positive attitude leaking into all aspects of our consciousness. This is a very easy habit to cultivate...we simply choose to be happy!
So sit down with your notebook or Facebook app and get to work. Articulate at least one thing each day for which you're thankful. If it involves a person in your circle, call them, text them or give them a hug to show you're thankful. You'll feel great about it and you'll probably make THAT person's day too!
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Avoiding the Trap, Part 2
Let me be the first to tell you that IT’S OK if you either don’t want a “conventional” life, or just can’t thrive in one. Many people have outside pressure to follow a more traditional life track (i.e. graduate high school, go to college, get a traditional job, get married, have babies, retire), and some ADHDers can do well in those situations (with behavior modification and support). But some of us just can’t deal. People with ADHD have a hard time staying on task when we hate the task. This is why we procrastinate so badly in some cases. I know it sounds like we’re selfish brats (you non-ADHDers are sitting there saying “well, Leah, nobody LIKES to do laundry”), but it really does come down to brain wiring. Our brains don’t sort things hierarchically, so while we may understand that the laundry NEEDS to get done, to us, making a new playlist for our iPod is JUST AS IMPORTANT.
We have difficult prioritizing unless the task that needs to be done RIGHT NOW is on fire or has multiple alarms attached to it. Now, if you’re in a position where you can take a risk and change careers, that might be a great way to ensure maximum productivity and happiness. Nobody says you HAVE to be an advertising executive or an insurance salesman or a systems administrator. If you’re one of those who changes jobs every 6 months (by choice or by force) because you can’t find one that “fits”, it might be time to consider molding your goals to fit your ADHD instead of the other way around.
Do you get ants in your pants staying in one place too long? Consider a career as a traveling sales rep, a flight attendant or a truck driver. Do you know everything there is to know about hunting and fishing, but can’t seem to hold down a normal office job? Why not try your hand at being a professional guide? Do you have a degree and love to be creative, but implode under deadlines and rigid office structure? A freelance photography or journalism job might be more your style. Before you get all excited and quit your desk job, consider a few important points. We will use the flight attendant option as our example.
· You need some solid life skills in place before you go changing careers. Learn how to manage your time and organize yourself, your things and your finances. Learn to do it in a more structured environment (your old job), and those good habits will carry over to your new career and give you a solid base to build on the skills you’ll need.
· Do your homework. Since we tend to think with our emotions, we’ll let the initial excitement of being a flight attendant cloud our judgment. “Weeee! I get to fly EVERYWHERE!”. Throttle back. Are the airlines hiring, and if so, which ones are best to work for? Where is training and how long is it? What is the travel requirement? Would I be on-call for the first year? How much money would I make? What kinds of benefits would I get? Would I get a choice in where I’m based after training? What skills are required? Write down all your questions and concerns and do your research.
· Think about your ADHDisms and find out how they fit into your chosen path. In your research, you learn that as a new flight attendant, you’ll be required to be on a short recall. Are you capable of learning how to be organized enough to pick up and leave for several days with no notice? You learn that you have strict space requirements for your personal items. Can you learn how to pack to fit these requirements? You have to be on time if you’re placed on a regular flight schedule. Can you learn to manage your time efficiently?
· Make a plan. Once you answer the big questions, then you can start looking at the finer details that go into making your dream happen. You know that Delta is starting training in 3 months in Salt Lake City, and in 6 months in Atlanta. Is 3 months enough time to get your life in order to make a change, or is 6 months more feasible? Let’s say 6 months is better. Now, assuming that you’re selected, you can start refining your life skills to your new career’s specific needs, learning about the airline industry, and planning your stay in Atlanta. You might get to this point and say “forget it! This is too much work!”. But ask yourself, is it REALLY not going to work with your brainstyle, or are you just scared? We as ADHDers tend to be afraid of being happy, and afraid of doing things we WANT to do.
We’re so used to “screwing up” that we don’t feel deserving of happiness and feel guilty about doing things we like. Remember: IT’S YOUR LIFE. A little fear is a good thing, because it will encourage you to ask more questions. But don’t let it deter you from reaching for your goals. Understand that you MIGHT fail, but this time, you have an opportunity to make sure that failure won’t be due to your ADHDisms, so long as you learn to cultivate behaviors and choices that make your life easier and more productive. That will go a long way into easing your anxieties. Don’t let your past failures keep you from trying something you’re really interested in. It’s easier said than done, but the rewards can be great!